2nd
Lady
I found this today. Old School but Good School. I don’t think I ever change:
I think flavored water is pretty much awesome. In fact, I once dated someone pretty much because we were both huge fans of Propel Fitness Water (common interests are important for a healthy relationship).
Today at the grocery store, after noticing Propel was on sale for only 50 cents a bottle, I started throwing it in my cart like I was preparing for nuclear holocaust.
Actually, I’m not sure how exactly I’d go about preparing for said holocaust, but work with me here. There was a lot of Propel.
Moments later, I noticed a small child had inserted his dirty fingers into the side of my cart and was clawing his way up. He then placed a can of corn (?) inside my cart, still managing to desperately cling to the side. Finally, he shrieked, “Daddy, look at how much Propel this lady has! Can you see it? Huh?!”
LADY? Who the fuck are you calling a LADY?
And then, in one dizzying moment, I realized … Shit. I am a grownup. An aged person. Geriatric. On the cusp of the precipitous cliff we call death. Who buys massive quantities of water. At least I’ll be well hydrated in my fall from grace.
So I did the only logical thing to make me feel better:
I jerked my cart to the side, sending the small boy flying into the air, crashing into a shelf of canned goods. Of course, a small avalanche of canned foods then tumbled onto the boy. I grabbed another can of corn; it’d be useful for the impending nuclear holocaust.
Well, the last part only happened in my imagination. But I bet you could picture me doing it, couldn’t you?
